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Jenny Valentish’s Advice for Introverts

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The Nugget
June 20, 2025

★ Jenny Valentish’s Advice for Introverts ★

“The book is dedicated to everyone I've blanked.” —Jenny Valentish

Jenny Valentish, pride of Castlemaine, has written a new book for all of us awkward turtles.  

The Introvert’s Guide to Leaving the House won’t tell you to be different.

It’ll just help you be you, out in the world, without needing to fake a phone call in the bathroom.

“Each chapter kicks off with a bit of memoir,” Jenny says.

“My default setting is one of: everything's a bit of a threat. A lot of us have that, you know, and by contrast, if my partner, Frank, who's a card-carrying extrovert, sees strangers, he's like: New friends, new friends, new friends. And I'm thinking, danger. Danger.

“He'll walk into a lift and by the time we've gone two floors, he'll have got the lift laughing or got some story out of somebody. And I just wouldn't be going there. He's a good influence on me. It's good to observe people who go in with a completely different attitude to me, a very open curious attitude, and the results.”

The annoying truism that we only get out of life what we put in runs through the book. Jenny has been on a journey of figuring out how to be a hearty participator while also being shy, awkward, standoffish and/or introverted.

She says travelling with her family taught her the importance of identifying social activities that work for her and declining the shit out of those that don’t.

“Every year I go to England to see my family for a week at the seaside. It means I'm dunked into a group situation, 24-hours a day, which is my worst kind of scenario.”

She found herself making lots of excuses to get alone time.

“I'd end up in none of the photos at the end, which is a bit sad. I just thought, OK, I'm gonna identify the bits I can't do well, and what I can do well, and then swap one for the other.

“I'm not going to go to a beach hut and sit face-to-face with people or make small talk. That makes me uncomfortable. I'll be pinching the skin between my finger and thumb and my ADHD will be making my leg go like the clappers.

“I find something like a shoulder-to-shoulder activity, like a board game or going for a curry, or whatever, so much easier and I'll fully commit to that.

“And so, a lot of this book is: What are you going to be best at? Commit to that. Know your limits.”

One of her best tips is to wear an invisible high-vis vest at your next social gathering.

“We don't look at people who are wearing (actual) high-vis vests. We just trust they're supposed to be there, and we let them get on with it.

“So, next time you go to a party, put on an invisible high-vis vest by giving yourself a role.”

It could be anything: snack duty, playlist patrol, or the official introducer of strangers.

“It's really taking an idea that a former psychologist I was seeing gave to me. He specializes in autism, and he said it really helps people who are autistic to have a clear role and a clear understanding of the variables in any situation and the rules.

“That lessens any anxiety. If you have a role, then you have purpose. You know what you're going in there to do, and you feel more confident.”

"I think that really, really, really helps introverts."

A high-vis vest might give you enough confidence to tackle the dreaded small talk.

Literally nobody enjoys it, but small-talk can lead to magical things. New friends, new opportunities and entirely new worlds.

“It's really a two-way street. Sometimes it's tempting if you're an introvert to maybe just ask the other person relentless questions to get the spotlight off you.

But really, we've got to be giving interesting information about ourselves, as well, in order to make that connection.”

Jenny likes to gamify things and set herself a challenge: “Like, OK, what's the most interesting thing I can learn about this person?

“It can blow your mind, you know, because we all make snap judgments about who somebody is based on their appearance, their voice, their demeanour. And they're always wrong.”

In addition to offering ideas aplenty for how to get the most out of social situations, Jenny’s book will make you feel less lonely. She’s been there. And the way she writes about the shared madness of being human is both beautiful and hilarious.

  • Follow Jenny on Instagram. She makes the best reels with Frank.

  • Buy Jenny’s book! There are signed copies at Stonemans.

  • Hot tip: Next time you’re in a hall waiting for an event to start, get everyone to rate the artwork on the walls. People with talk to each other and everyone will feel less self conscious. Thanks, Jenny!

  • Go along to Jenny’s next book talk at Shedshaker. She will be at Books at the Brewery on Weds, 2 July.

❀ Let me see you strut ❀

Dancing, especially line dancing, is one of those shoulder-to-shoulder activities that Jenny Valentish says are fab for introverts.

So let this be your nudge. This Saturday night, go, be with people, get in a flow state and get the oxytocin pumping at the Country Struts Bush Dance and Hoedown at the Theatre Royal.

Local band Cat and Clint will be playing and Shibby Store will be selling boots.

The beginner boot scooting lesson kicks off at 7:30 PM. Strut like nobody is watching, becuase literally nobody will be.

♡˖ EVENTS ˖♡

𖥔 TALK TO MOI PLOISE 𖥔

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  • all about your upcoming event, and

  • who I should interview next. xx